Welcoming in the wild feminine


As I alluded to in last week’s post – I’ve been courting a bit of chaos, feminine wildness and my shadow side in the last few weeks. It’s an aspect of me and my evolution as a human that I’ve been mildly aware of for about half a year or so now, but it really seems to have been stirred up of late, and getting up in my grill quite insistently recently (literally, too).

The bubbling turned to overflow a few months ago when I decided to see just what was going on with my grinding jaw – I’ve got a dental splint and tried various other remedies for getting it to stop – in short, none of them worked. So I brought the issue to one of my energy healers, and he helped me to see that my jaw stuff was largely about issues relating to control, and the tension associated with this. In conjunction with this, he pointed out that my masculine energy was very well developed, but my feminine needed to be given some loving attention. At this stage I’d begun doing a few things to do exactly this, like Tigress yoga, but there was a significant amount of pondering that needed to be done on just how I am in this world.

Divine Feminine

I then had a friend point out that there’s a strong bodily connection between the jaw and the hips – which store a lot of emotion, tension, and is also the seat of my feminine power. You’ve heard the stories of people spontaneously bursting in to tears on the yoga mat while doing frog pose? Well it happens. It’s a strong hip-opener and is also the nemesis pose of many (including me). So my jaw tension, is connected to my hip tension, is connected to my – suppression of my femininity! You still with me?!

Everyone has a divine feminine and divine masculine aspect to themselves – a yin and a yang within. I’ve largely found my way in this world through developing my masculine traits – striving, doing, trying to control, achieving, pushing, organising (if you know me you’ll likely be nodding along in agreement at this point). The world as it stands is so overwhelmingly masculine and often  perpetuates a deep seated repression of the feminine.  As a woman it’s been hard for me to even realise that I’m over-emphasising my masculine nature – because it’s just the norm. Being masculine is often what it takes to navigate our way.

I actually think I came in to this world highly feminine – and for a good few years had a very well developed feminine nature. But that softer feminine side has been largely overtaken by a very hardened and wily masculinity – very well equipped to traverse our patriarchal society. But sheesh I’m over it. I’m over it being my default nature. I’m over the the constant striving, the wrangling, the hardness. It’s time to bend a bit and make way for more femininity, and a more holistic me.

So connecting to my sacred feminine centre is now what I’m exploring. I’m pretty convinced so far that there is a big and largely untapped reservoir of strength, creativity and power that I’ve only just begun to drawn upon.

Welcoming in my wild feminine and playing with her is currently looking something like this:

  • Less control, more freedom to express.
  • ‘Doing’ less and ‘being’ more.
  • More Yin, less Yang.
  • Looking at the parts of me that are often denied or suppressed – rage and red hot anger, a short temper, and calling them in to my embrace. Welcoming being in the dark when I’m in it.
  • Lots of Tigress yoga – lots of hip opening, releasing and bathing in wild, feminine energy.
  • More Kundalini yoga – tapping in to my root chakra more frequently and getting that energy shifting upwards and out.
  • More Dancing – any kind. Preferably with a bit of hip shaking in there.
  • Gardening more – being near the earth, ensconcing myself in Mother Nature far more often.
  • Nurturing my intuitive gifts – and being quiet enough for long enough to allow this. Being aware of my tendency to over satiate my senses with information and knowledge. Allowing space.
  • Energy bodywork to support me in this process.

After carving out time and space for these things in my life, I’m already noticing many shifts and changes. For one, my jaw already feels better. I’m consciously relaxing it during the day, and as far as I can tell – beginning to grind less at night.

To be honest though, fully embracing my wild feminine nature is really freaking me out still not sitting completely comfortably with me. Part of my subconscious just wants to cling (and never let go) to order, organisation, control, discipline – it’s been my illusory safe harbour for so long now, after all. This is a work in progress. I’m feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Funnily enough, last night I had a vivid dream that I was on a bus, careening and accelerating fast up a very steep hill. The engines were revving so loudly, roaring in my ears. I was sitting on the left side of the bus (notably, the left side of our bodies are our feminine side). Looking out to my left I saw the thinnest little space of road, and after that a sharp drop, beyond which I couldn’t see. We were skating soooo close to the edge of this side, I was convinced we were going to topple over and in to the abyss. Every part of me wanted to run to the right side of the bus, to ‘balance’ it out and make sure we didn’t fall. Or take over the driving and make sure we got to the top safely. But there was something inside me that said, ‘just ride it, we’re nearly there’. And I stayed put in my seat, letting the fear bubble through me, just sitting.

Lo and behold the bus eventually made it to the top. And guess what? I didn’t need to do anything!

Does any of this speak to you? How’s your internal balance between masculine and feminine? Share your thoughts below, I’d love to hear from you!

Image source


  • Erin

    Hi, I have recently discovered your pocket here and am enjoying all that you have shared.

    I was seeing a chiropractor a few years ago and she said I need to open my hips more and this will relax my body. i was so tight and wound up. I used to be all about having control and my dentist would see this when I went for a check up. I used to grind so much when I was younger that I would not notice the constant tension. Now I know when I clench my jaw at night or during the day. I do simple hip opening stretches and just feel my whole body unravel and the tightness lift from my body.

    I agree that it is the norm to lean more to the masculine side of ourselves. I know I used to lean to that side a lot more (and still do from time to time) to protect myself. It is a work in progress but balance can be found and your post was a perfect reminder.

    Ps. Tigress yoga? This looks amazing and I am going to sign up.

    • Carly

      Hi Erin, thanks so much for your super interesting insights! How good are hip-opening exercises?! I love your description of your whole body unravelling – that’s exactly what it feels like. I reckon you’re going to love Tigress! xx

  • Michelle

    Love your article! I have a similar challenge; I feel that my core nature is sensitive and gentle, yet I’ve mostly denied this part of me, believing it was weak and wouldn’t cut it out there in the real world. I’ve forced myself to toughen up, strive and compete, particularly in my career.. However I am now experiencing the cost: anxiety, fatigue and getting sick with more frequency. I am now trying to learn to embrace my femininity as a strength to be celebrated.

    • Carly

      Awesome, Michelle! I love that – embracing femininity as a strength to be celebrated. Because it is a strength, it just doesn’t express itself in a masculine way. Balance between the two is so important. Muchos feminine love coming your way xx

  • Emma Shields

    Carly! It’s like you’re speaking from my soul! I am in a similar position with this. I have a highly feminine nature that I’ve repressed for the longest time and it’s slowly coming out to play. Embracing this feminine softening is definitely a challenge but let’s go for it 🙂 your list looks a lot like mine!
    I’ll extend an invitation here – come to salsa with me sometime!! XX

    • Carly

      Aw, lady friend! I’m so happy to hear you’re also getting all lovey-dovey with your sacred feminine. And yes please to the salsa, I love it! Count me in xx

  • Tahlee

    Yeeesh woman. RESONATE!!!!

    Singing from the same song book we are. Thank you honey for this one. So enlightening and inspiring.

  • Maddison

    Love love love this! Everywhere at the moment I am hearing about feminine and masculine energy and each time it seriously resonates with me. I also heard the other day about tight jaw = tight hips and I myself have both of these things tight. So interesting, oh thanks for a great post! x

    • Carly

      Thanks so much, Maddison! It’s all super interesting and well worth delving in to – especially if it resonates so much with you. Love xx

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