Our plane had just landed in verdantly tropical Colombo, Sri Lanka, during the dwindling days of December 2016.

Striding up the aerobridge, I could feel the steaming blanket of humidity settling onto my skin already, my chambray denim shirt itched to be taken off. I reached up to firmly pat my Panama hat on my messy mop of hair to ensure it didn’t fall off in the throng of exiting passengers.

I looked down at the shininess of my freshly-painted red toenails and chuckled at the ghostly whiteness of my be-shorted legs.

We had six days in this beautiful country, traversing the coast and the interior – seaside time and tea-country time and culture and sacred spiritual sites were all on the agenda. And birthday celebrations for me, too!

We were champing at the bit to make our way down the coast, with a lunchtime meeting to make in town before we began our taxi and bus ride to our first stop, the seaside fort town of Galle.

We exited the aero-bridge and looking for the shortest immigration line when a lady sidled up to my left.”Excuse me, can I speak you for a moment?” (Her English was limited.)

”Excuse me, can I speak you for a moment?” (Her English was limited.)

I looked at her face and recognised she was the woman who had been sitting to my right during our flight here from Singapore.

We’d struck plane seat GOLD being shoved into the two centre seats of a four-seat block in economy. Luckily I had Osho to read and a few episodes of Modern Family to tide me over for the three and a half hour trip.

“Sure, absolutely, what did you want to chat about?” I asked her, pausing briefly.

“Please, I wish to speak to you for a moment. Can we please sit down over there? Are you upset or angry, did I do something to make you upset?”

I could empathically feel her energy body knotted in tension and anxiety. Cloying as closely to me as the dense humid air.

Flabbergasted, I assured her that there was absolutely nothing wrong, nor did she do anything to make me upset. I said, of course, we could chat, but could we please walk towards immigration at the same time – we were in a rush.

Matt and I began to stride on, and she kept up. In her broken English a tumble of words and statements came out, “I was hurt, I am hurt, upset. How old are you? I’m 38.”

I looked at her quizzically and firmly said to her that I truly had no idea what she could be referring to and that we really had to keep going.

She began pointing to a row of seats to the left, 20 metres away, gesturing and insisting that we go and sit down and ‘have a talk’.

I had NO IDEA what she could be referring to.

From what I could remember, she’d spent most of the flight asleep, or with her eyes closed.

I wracked my brain to try and remember what interaction we’d had, if any, during that short flight.

All I could recall was her accidentally bumping my headphone jack in the armrest, which she apologised for. I said, ’no worries’, and adjusted it back into its slot.

That was it.

The one time I needed to go the bathroom, Matt and I got up together and had asked the lady sitting next to him to move as she was awake and we didn’t want to disturb the sleeping lady to my right.

But it appeared that perhaps instead of sleeping or resting, she was actually mentally tying herself up in knots over something I had either done or not done.

So much so that she felt concerned and insulted enough to approach me, a complete stranger, to raise.

The painful place she must have been in, to feel called to read into a situation like this as she did, is hard to fathom.

We left her side to join the shortest immigration line we could find. Within a few minutes, we were out and collecting our bags from the carousel, ready to dive into colourful Sri Lanka and get some food in our bellies.

I furtively scanned the arrival hall for the woman, a little fearful of being accosted again, and still feeling her nervy sel hanging around my energy field.

We didn’t see her again.

_______

The thought of her, and the pain she was in, however, hung on to me for a few days. It was haunting.

And after tossing it around in my head, and feeling into my body about exactly what was so haunting about the incident – I finally hit upon the reason.

I’ve been that woman on the plane.

The woman who is so painfully aware of what others MAY think or feel about me – that I projected my fears of inadequacy and rejection on to them.

The woman who lived her life so tuned into the cues of rejection or disapproval, tying myself in knots and stepping on eggshells to please ALL OF THE PEOPLE.

I recalled how many (MANY) years I’d spent doing the exact same tiresome mental acrobatics that she’d done, torturing myself and taking up precious mind space, over-analysing EVERYTHING TO THE MAX. Taking so many things personally, and being so hypersensitive to the actions (or lack thereof, of everyone).

And gosh, it seriously sucks.

And just like that, WHOOOOSH. Utter compassion for the woman on the plane came rushing in and is still with me now.

Lovely one, if you currently find yourself in the same position, and can relate to the torturous mental acrobatics situation I’ve just described, I have this for you:

+ You have permission to disentangle yourself from the knots you keep mentally tying yourself in.

+ You have permission to put down the heavy load of responsibility you feel for other’s actions.

+ You have permission to live the life you feel impassioned and juicy about, and not put off your dreams to satisfy the expectations of others

+ You have permission to be responsible for YOUR energy and life – and not other people’s.

+ You have permission to be yourself, and not hem yourself in for the comfort of others.

AND I have something for you.

The next round of The Fulfilled Feminine Formula, my signature 5-week group coaching program, is here! 

I’ve distilled all I’ve learned in the realm of untying myself from the knots of anxiety and depleted living and diving into a fulfilled life into FIVE core modules: Awaken, Activate, Align, Ascend and Assimilate.

You get to journey within yourself while holding the hands of soul sisters who are on the exact same journey.

If tapping into your potency, discovering your limitless depths, and awakening to the yearnings of your soul is something you would LOVE. Hop on board NOW.

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The first time I consciously channelled a spirit guide of mine, Moli, I was about 12 or 13.

Fascinated by the world of spirit, my friends and I had been dabbling in ouija boards and seances for awhile.

(Quick aside, I advise against this unless you know what you’re doing / have a clear energy field. ‘Playing’ in the lower astrals can conjure not-so-nice entities. Yep, Stranger Things on Netflix is uncomfortably close to the mark.)

I can’t remember how we decided it would be a good idea for me to channel, but we did and it came naturally and easily to me.

I would sit in what I now know to be a trance state, and let my friends ask ‘him’ questions. I would move my persona aside and let him speak through me. My voice would change, it would take on a soft but deeper tone, speaking in an almost melodious manner.

I knew it was a guide far beyond my intellectual capacity and maturity, because the gossipy teenaged questions we always asked elicited the most magnanimous, mature and erudite responses –  far beyond what my tiny mind would have thought to say.

This particular memory of the early days of my channeling came back into my conscious awareness (it had been long buried) when I began to explore the role my inner child played in my life, and especially when I began to learn about how important it is to not only do the work necessary to heal any trauma she felt, but to also look to her for the wisdom of my true soul gifts.

Why is it helpful to look to our childhood for our gifts and innate talent?

When we’re born, and for our first few years of life, we are proximally close to where we’ve come from. The realms beyond our dimension, the place where our higher selves reside, is still very real for us. For many years after birth we can see beyond the solid third dimension, and we unthinkingly follow the urges of our soul to express, create and channel what delights us and brings us joy. And in turn we delight and inspire others.

Have you ever become completely transfixed with the simple play of a baby? Yep, it’s frigging fascinating. You’re tuning into soul-aligned action and magic, right there, just watching her play and express.

For me, as a child, this looked like:

• A fascination with the unseen realm. Playing with fairies, elves, knowing there are beings around that I couldn’t touch, but ‘sense’
• Channeling and playing with guides and angels
• A deep connection to nature – one of my favourite things to do was take my walkman and go hide in the nook of a tree or lie down in the grass somewhere, and drift in my imagination
• Preparing concotions and potions and soothing balms for my friends and even giving them advice as a wily seven or eight year old. Ha!
• Singing, dancing and performing with reckless abandon – expressing myself in creative ways
• Connecting to people. I was told off many times as a child for racing through my work and then distracting my friends in class when there was no one around to play with
• Being a leader and initiator – I was generally always the ring leader of some kind of mischief
• Writing stories and reading stories
• A fascination with how things ‘worked’ I wanted to analyse and pull apart the machinations of everything, for a long time I wanted to be a detective!

I now engage with not just one but ALL of these aspects of me, when I’m truly aligned and giving my soul’s gifts.

But as I’ve learned in my personal experience, the talents and gifts most natural to us are often buried deep beneath the social conditioning we receive as we go through adolescence and into adulthood.

‘That’s weird. You’re weird. That’s embarrassing.’

‘You’re possessed!’

‘You’re not good enough to do X’

‘Sally’s a lot better at that than you.’

‘Stop playing in a fantasy land.’

When the drama of our ego and trying to fit into society’s so-called ‘normal’ sets in (usually during our teens, maybe earlier) – we begin to hide these parts of us, burying them deep within. Often we completely forget about them until something or someone awakens the longing to align again with what is true for us. We wring our hands and chastise ourselves for not knowing what our gifts are, when they’ve been inside us all along.

Our inner child holds the power to excavate and illuminate the long forgotten memories of us in our element, in flow, sharing our gifts.

I urge you to look there too, if you haven’t already.

Start with a simple intention to have these memories revealed to you. Tune into happy memories of what you used to love doing as a little one. Meditate with your inner child and ask to be shown what lit you up. The memories may only come in drips – but they will come. Capture them by writing them down, and more will follow.

These memories of yours don’t need to be taken literally – look for the feeling or broader theme that encapsulates the activity. For instance, if you loved building sandcastles at the beach – look at whether this is pointing you towards sculpting and creating with your hands – or perhaps it’s being close to nature and the sea in particular. You may not necessarily become a professional sand castle builder. (Although if you do, send me a picture!)

Tuning into and aligning with your light, embodying your soul gifts, and expressing them in the world is one of the most liberating and insanely delicious feelings in the world. If you feel called to do this, and would adore some loving guidance while you do, my 1:1 private spiritual mentorship program may be for you!

I have crafted the steps, methods and processes to guide you through what I have painstakingly moved through. These programs are packaged together to help you align with your light, dance with your darkness, and ultimately live as the light-filled goddess you are.

We journey through this together – the upgrades, the shadow work, and the rocky but rewarding part of claiming your spiritual self that’s screaming to be seen and heard in the world.

What took me years, takes you mere months (pheeew!). Best of all I keep you ACCOUNTABLE to the transformation your soul is seeking. One of the major differences between having good intentions – and actually earthing and REALISING those intentions.

Spaces in my mentorship program are closed for now, as my books are full. But drop me a line at carly@carlystephan.com so you can be at the top of the waiting list for the next round!

Have you tapped into your inner child, to help illuminate your passions? I’d love to know how you’ve tapped into your innate gifts, please share with me below!